no planned downtime…

Nothing great to update on life… almost everyone who reads my posts knows all the happenings my end.

My weekdays seem full with office and German class. I have started with a new project at work. With that also comes the task of reading all the documentation and manuals the initial weeks. [:(]

Anyway this is not what I want to write about. I have been caught up in doing so many new things that I happen to lose track of many other things. Well looks its time to re-dictate my downtime.

I always did pride myself for having time for everybody and for everything. Sadly that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore. I met one of my juniors this morning. We used to work in the same lab in the University. Now he is finished studying and working too. I was never in contact with him after University. We did see each other once or twice in parties but that was all to it.

I didn’t have much time to converse with him right then and asked for his mobile number. And to my surprise he HAD my number and I…  all through the conversation was desperately trying to RECOLLECT his name. I couldn’t have been in a more pitiable condition.

After a week’s work, a peaceful weekend at home is the only prospect I am willing to entertain. Somehow returning telephone calls, meeting up friends, joining parties present such an unpleasant foretaste.

Having said all that, I haven’t done anything useful either staying home the past 3 weekends. Had been speaking a lot with family and friends, then sleeping and watching movies. No reading as well and I have forgotten all about documentaries since my laptop went for repair. Started with a couple of them this week. Finished all my earlier pending documentaries. Few good ones to recommend.

• Big Bigger Biggest ..about the technological developments in building and construction.
• Jaguar Adventure with Nigel Marven ..the guy hosting this series makes wildlife look so usual.
• A Girl’s Guide to 21st Century Sex ..well the name explains it. But don’t know why is it a Girl’s Guide.
• Science Scams ..some not so well known frauds through history.
• And a couple of unreported/scandalous ones. Should I be mentioning them? [:)]

Apart from this, kudos to the recent bombings in Bangalore and Ahmedabad… religion, belief and morals entice me lately. Not sure if I will come up with a post!!

A song your way..

of then and now

Hopping now and then… it has been a long way. Some bittersweet euphoria my mind is enjoying today…

Some interesting pieces slipped my mind of who I was and who I am now. It is as if I am still small and juvenile. In a broader sense, I haven’t changed. But I have grown big and probably have become more sophisticated.

I remember well how scared I was to sleep on the side of the bed. I had this feeling that some monster would come from behind or from under the bed and carry me away.  And some nights I would lay awake too scared to sleep. I always slept in the middle in between. Now me and my sisters fight over the one to sleep in between and with no choice it is always Annukkutti.

I hated visiting a doctor or going to a hospital. I used to feel so helpless and depressed. I still hate going to hospital.

I held a bitter detest to newspapers and TV news. I never understood how my parents enjoyed NEWS then. In the beginning it was Doorshan Samachar then came Aaj Tak and later Sun News. And Appa was never happy listening to just one. He has to listen to each and every news.

I hated eating upma/puttu/appam (upma the most) on weekends. I was obsessively happy with bread, Amul butter and Kissan jam. I could eat just bread the whole week.

Going to a restaurant wasn’t a normal thing. Appa would complain if we picked a far one. Amma would complain if we picked an expensive one. Not to screw up the offer we settled for any restaurant. I could eat even upma in a restaurant. Now my lazy bones do the job of driving me to eat out and mostly with no company.

I love marie biscuits and milk rusk. My favorite snack ..something I ate everyday in the evening. Now I eat chocolate chip cookies. Exactly how cappuccino is filling for filter coffee.

My favorite toffee was coffeebite. I was always eager to go buy some grocery for my mother when I needed money to buy toffees. I remember once my sister cut her hand with a blade and it was bleeding quite badly. My mother tied a piece of cloth and asked me to buy some band aids. But I bought all toffees.

Another thing was my father’s shaving blades. They were somehow very inviting. And he would always know every time we play around with the blades. Knives and blades are too inviting even today.

Amma used to have bad heel cracks and times it hurt her very much when she walked. She always kept some spare plasters. And she would never find one when she needed them. We would be hardly hurt but only a plaster could appease as long as there is a plaster at home. It was more of a mental relief than a physical relief.

Visiting cousins was always fun and something to look forward. I even used to write letters to my grandmother. Now they all are a phone call distance away and I care enough about visiting them just in my head.

My aunt used to tell me (however I can’t recollect) I would wear lipstick to stay awake when I went for a night show. I was too worried too fall asleep in the middle of the movie to get the lipstick smudged over my face.

Back then Amma used to scold me everyday. I used to fight with Divya. I saw my friends everyday. And now days go by when I don’t speak to anybody.

No idea what triggered the post. Hope something makes sense. Well here a compliment for reading the whole post [;)]

I burned n crashed :(

Are bells ringing in my ears?? Not me perhaps but some one does hear them seeing my state [:(].

I did write earlier…

One thing I really don’t understand is, why someone does a *thing* which is not really appreciated or rather not even close to wanted being done. If it is just to satisfy your conscience you do what you want to do…

I wasn’t unreasonable and neither I am now [am I contradicting my own posts?]. Even if one doesn’t value the fact that you walk out of your way to help the thing ..times you do that because you know it is the right thing to do.

It takes a nerve to bend a nerve. How much should you really care to be able to do that? I wish a lot of things were rather not difficult for me.

I wish I didn’t care. Wish I can be indifferent. Three days of crashing and burning is presumably lot.

Anyway enjoy this!!

HE

He is my colleague and someone I seem to like very very much!!!

And with the thoughtful things he does, I know he too likes me. Above everything, he is the one person who understands everything I say. With my ample German, it is still quite hard to clasp a fluent conversation. Anyway I do manage to deliver my message. But precisely when I am speaking to him, I am talking so utterly bad. I want to do a lot better [particularly with him] but anything I talk is a complete hodgepodge. Everyone is laughing listening the way I use words.

I don’t know how good am I coming about my German but it is fun. Last week, I made a remark in blunt reflex during lunch that if he were unmarried and still available, I would definitely marry him. I knew it had hit him ..it was no flattery. And today, he waved me a flying kiss after lunch. It was funny to see him do that and I was laughing so hard. We two are now the uncultured lot at work.

Many a times, I was of the impression people in Germany are very distant and rather difficult to approach. They are careful never to get too close and always carry an air of formality. For some time now, the people I meet and especially at my work, everyone is so ordinary [probably not the right word]. They are so very receptive.

I know each one of them is very experienced and very well knowledged. There is much to learn from all of them. And very frequently he tells me, Ich bin ein Spielkind mit dir.

I have two other very good friends. I like them too ..and believe they like me too.

Three very nice people in half a year… not bad! Not bad at all!!

And here a nice song…

..a brave world

I am in a mixed mood today [:)]

All morning I was so evasive!! I had been working in this company beginning this year and today was the first day ever I was so open-eyed and heedful in the meeting.

I am writing a simulation for analog circuits to be used in automated test environments. I have completed the first submodule and had the software verification by my project/software head today.

It was really important not to fish around (very normal of me) in the meeting. And with the fact that the whole meeting was to be in German, I was seating profusely. Anyway with software, you don’t have to do a lot of talking ..the program does it all. That exactly was wrong… everything will blow up with a single error.

Last whole week, I was working in cellar with the test system. I was screwing/unscrewing boards, connecting and re-connecting devices,  switching right bus channels, doing the electrical connections. I checked everything once again last evening just to make sure all was fine. Seeing anything odd today would have grounded me. I wonder how do some totally unimportant things give me the creeps and some completely grave things don’t.

It was an agony for a lot of reasons. With every person beginning to settle in for the meeting, I felt like being maneuvered deeper into an uncomfortable corner. I know many of them came for me, not to see what I have worked on ..a pint-sized relief.

It isn’t because I am feeling so strongly about my first job or first assignment. Everything had to do fine… it simply had to be right. I know it would.

My time here has been and is so interesting. There are frustrations too when I have to sit through meetings. And there are these so many people who like me ..they are as old as my father and grandfather and they ARE my friends. It is altogether a different relationship and so transparent… my next post is to them.

Have to hurry for my German class. I am so profoundly happy beyond reasons to attribute ..in my brave world!

@ loved ones.. Keep me in your hearts for neglecting everyone until today [:*]