Guilty pleasure

Would my absence make your heart grow a little fonder? Oh the sweetness of pretending just this once ..yes it would! Most hopefully!

Why is that?

Why do happy memories wane and blur until one could hardly recall them, while the unpleasant ones seem to retain their blinding clarity and painful edge in comparison?

When in need of hurt they always answer on the first ring.

My platonic attraction :)

My life presently is defined by moments of waiting ..waiting for nearly everything from furniture, internet, telephone (internet being the premium). I hate waiting and all I have on my plate is WAIT ..in big and bold.

I haven’t been able to do nearly anything. Everything is frustratingly going in circles. The past one week I had been repeatedly calling up regarding my Internet and Telephone and the same I am repeatedly being conveyed to one from the other. Ahead of all, getting connected through the hotline number is a big feat. Only if it could help… they vex me to the core.

To give offense, today I faced the knowledge that I, personally have to first get the DSL socket fixed and then await their services. Now how does that ring? My nerves had been on a tight leash. And the service personnel set them loose. I was head over heals in appreciation of the guy the first time. I am sorry for today dude. Anyway it is all your fault… you could do things the same nice way you talk. Whatever the crusade made me feel a little better.

I have been so tangy with everything and towards everyone ..especially Amma and Annukkutti had to sit through most of it.

Well this wasn’t something I had intended to write. I wanted to register my growing interest towards a colleague at work. It is certainly one among the best things getting to know him. The vigor he has for his age outdoes any other of the kin I know. He is unusual and special. He is on vacation for one month and his absence makes me feel the difference ..his company claims attention. And given the flatness I am starting to feel with all the very people I meet lately is only increasing the contrast.

I am beginning to feel really strongly about our friendship ..yes that is all is to it unfortunately. Though I can’t deny the fact that once or more it did occur to me perhaps I could have been born 20 years earlier or he 20 years later. I wonder whom all I have for friends.

What flusters me more than my attraction is my parents reading the post tomorrow!

<something on personal front>
How would one decide to love some one? I mean how do we start loving others? All the people (not considering my family) I have known and have come to love are extremely good and agreeable for doing so. But given merely just that cause and asked to love ..I wouldn’t. I am far from loving them. So where/what are the choices?

Amidst, this also stands true that without them possibly life wouldn’t have been as happy and happening as it was and is. May be that is all the difference and I am blind with too much intuition of reasoning. In the end, I am glad that I never had to consider any such choice.
</something on personal front>

Touchwood! It is a good thing!

This one was a real long weekend for me.. I had been desperately wishing for one.

Having one, three days straight are enough to drive me back to work. The same everyone missed me!! They feel my absence!!

Don’t know what to make of it. Wow suddenly the world seems to revolve around me. Goose Bumps!!

The inside reflections

Talking to you today… you touched a raw nerve… the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Now I wonder if what I wanted was to talk. I know the thing I need to do is to go on. Yet I hesitate if only in my own mind… tired (sometimes thoughts are exhausting) to understand and believe it.

Thanks to a lazy day and an escaping mind!! You couldn’t otherwise possibly get away with posting anything useless.

Strange doors

Starting with the post, I feel suddenly I have lost everything I had in mind of what to write.

There is much to say and here I am nearly unable to write. So there isn’t anything worthwhile to read today. Again my self esteem hasn’t been to its higher up the past couple of days.

Things are a little sad today. Just so you know, I am opening all strange doors these days… it is a new disposition of mine. I am quite all the time. The urge to talk seems to have disapparated into hiding. Almost always thinking aimlessly (can thinking be aimless?).

I am simply overwhelmed by the numerous thoughts… it is not about thinking anymore but thinking about thinking… thoughts about thoughts. Thinking in a different way to say nicely.

Everything has me questioning about everything. It is like I want to pause and reflect on things I was taught to believe. Either I am too idle or I am loving to escape into the oblivion of absentmindedness. One or the other, my activities haven’t been any productive as well. I actually don’t know what leads what… me being in the so spirit of not doing anything or not being able to do anything driving me to the edges.

Absentmindedness does so striking things. Like today at lunch I dropped my tray. Honestly I don’t know how it happened. The other day a friend offered me some cheese and it tasted like fresh spinach. Again honestly I don’t know what was I thinking.

There is something I don’t know whether to write or not. I usually don’t ponder over proper behavior and similar netiquettes. Well at least I have never given a serious thought to it.

Perhaps I am yet to cultivate many qualities. I had been completely full of myself and as told ..rather stubborn and having no worthy consideration for relationships. In fact it is heart warming saying it aloud here and it even sounds good.

I have to start home now ..with no interest even for a keepsake. Good night you all.

It started snowing again heavily here.

‘these times’

With so much going on, it is become hard to stay present and be distracted by these intense times…

A glimpse of another anew beginning.. yet it’s more hopeful than fearful