Now that is a question

So many things that I nearly blogged if not for my tardiness. Apart from work and the constant social activities I have had so little time to blog, which is also true to an ample extent.

But truly, I am ever hoping to be regular here ..and failing miserably. You see I am once again in my cribbing mood today. Whatever it is an easy start if nothing else…

Work is very good, if I overlook the endless meetings I have to attend daily. With all my colleagues on vacation, there isn’t much interesting to do anyway. At the least I am sparing my colleagues all the discussions when they return.

Life wise.. everyone grows up with the idea of what one wants to become in his/her life. To me it seems I have only started thinking. Seeing my friends, most of them are already settled and their futures spelled out. And I am still clueless about how am I going to go with life. I am compelled to rethink what I really want?

Honestly, considering just a fraction of the things on my mind… I sound so absurd-minded. Certainly, it would be nice to have a plan that doesn’t have me floundering around clueless. But not having one doesn’t bother me as well. I am reasonably, actually more than reasonably happy with everything and the way it is, whatever it is.

Conceding to discretion, I deliberately avoid writing so many things. I slowly drop out of the scene when it comes to discussing self. Now don’t judge me to be constrained. Well in effect I am. But I wish I could give others a piece of my mind and make them follow too. Every time I start explaining things it all comes out the wrong way. I can’t pronounce them wrong. So much is going on if I want to talk I am going to have to forgo trying to make them understand. I neither have the interest nor the spirit.

To favor I am travelling in no sloppy straight line. I don’t know what would everything be like 1 year from now ..2 yrs from now, no idea again. Though 50 yrs down the lane [living or not] I know I will be a very successful [in every defined sense of life] and content old lady.

I have the slightest idea how much sense I make. Among other things, I definitely don’t enjoy writing so-thick-posts with my clumsy attempts to explain. I thought I should today.

My platonic attraction :)

My life presently is defined by moments of waiting ..waiting for nearly everything from furniture, internet, telephone (internet being the premium). I hate waiting and all I have on my plate is WAIT ..in big and bold.

I haven’t been able to do nearly anything. Everything is frustratingly going in circles. The past one week I had been repeatedly calling up regarding my Internet and Telephone and the same I am repeatedly being conveyed to one from the other. Ahead of all, getting connected through the hotline number is a big feat. Only if it could help… they vex me to the core.

To give offense, today I faced the knowledge that I, personally have to first get the DSL socket fixed and then await their services. Now how does that ring? My nerves had been on a tight leash. And the service personnel set them loose. I was head over heals in appreciation of the guy the first time. I am sorry for today dude. Anyway it is all your fault… you could do things the same nice way you talk. Whatever the crusade made me feel a little better.

I have been so tangy with everything and towards everyone ..especially Amma and Annukkutti had to sit through most of it.

Well this wasn’t something I had intended to write. I wanted to register my growing interest towards a colleague at work. It is certainly one among the best things getting to know him. The vigor he has for his age outdoes any other of the kin I know. He is unusual and special. He is on vacation for one month and his absence makes me feel the difference ..his company claims attention. And given the flatness I am starting to feel with all the very people I meet lately is only increasing the contrast.

I am beginning to feel really strongly about our friendship ..yes that is all is to it unfortunately. Though I can’t deny the fact that once or more it did occur to me perhaps I could have been born 20 years earlier or he 20 years later. I wonder whom all I have for friends.

What flusters me more than my attraction is my parents reading the post tomorrow!

<something on personal front>
How would one decide to love some one? I mean how do we start loving others? All the people (not considering my family) I have known and have come to love are extremely good and agreeable for doing so. But given merely just that cause and asked to love ..I wouldn’t. I am far from loving them. So where/what are the choices?

Amidst, this also stands true that without them possibly life wouldn’t have been as happy and happening as it was and is. May be that is all the difference and I am blind with too much intuition of reasoning. In the end, I am glad that I never had to consider any such choice.
</something on personal front>

Touchwood! It is a good thing!

This one was a real long weekend for me.. I had been desperately wishing for one.

Having one, three days straight are enough to drive me back to work. The same everyone missed me!! They feel my absence!!

Don’t know what to make of it. Wow suddenly the world seems to revolve around me. Goose Bumps!!

I dearly wish…

our time together be more than a single conversation!

Internet maladies :(

Dear God..

Where am I stuck… between all boring and dull people

Even when ‘out of station’ writing posts, reading blogs and leaving comments. Please baptize them with the divine act to take time off from their dispositions and enjoy a trip!!

- a baffled mortal

Germany

Before you read any further ..warning you in the most solemn manner. It is completely frivolous stuff today. [;)]

Today is again like one of those charmed days when everything appears to captivate me. I find myself more passionate than usual. Time is on such a speedy march… it is going to be 4 years now since I came to Germany and never have I thought why am I so enchained to this place.

Urged to think what does Germany (rather Munich) mean to me, I could construct so many things.

• TUM (Technical University Munich)
• Marienplatz (Munich city center)
• Oktoberfest
• Radler (mix of Bier and Lemonade)
• Rischart Bakery
• Englischer Garden
• BMWs
• Bitte zurück bleiben (meaning please stay back …how many times must have I heard this by now)

Above all this, it is the *fiercing comfort* living in Munich. Last week in my German class, I watched a short-film. It was about how people see Germany. A news firm wanted people to take pictures of all the things which they would associate with Germany.

The film begins with a father and son… a struggling and confused son who is being pressurized by his rich and well settled father. The son lands up with the camera from the news firm and asked to make pictures. And it goes on, the camera passed to many other people. It was interesting to see everyone’s realism relating Germany.

The best one was the last couple who get to know each other on a train travel… very similar to the movie ‘Before Sunrise‘. They take their pictures and leave the camera to someone else.

These train travel acquaintances ..I am loving the idea of it all. If I should call it an accident/coincidence ..met a guy and a girl this morning who were visiting Munich. They wanted some help in buying the train tickets. And we ended up in the same compartment.

He had come from Romania and she was from Macedonia. They met in Spain two days back and were now traveling around Germany. Should say it was quite a romance for just two days. Ok I am getting cheesy now. [:)]

I gave them some information on the places to visit and also asked them to come back for Oktoberfest if they can make it ..I am campaigning for Oktoberfest a good deal.

Here this song speaks for the post…

of then and now

Hopping now and then… it has been a long way. Some bittersweet euphoria my mind is enjoying today…

Some interesting pieces slipped my mind of who I was and who I am now. It is as if I am still small and juvenile. In a broader sense, I haven’t changed. But I have grown big and probably have become more sophisticated.

I remember well how scared I was to sleep on the side of the bed. I had this feeling that some monster would come from behind or from under the bed and carry me away.  And some nights I would lay awake too scared to sleep. I always slept in the middle in between. Now me and my sisters fight over the one to sleep in between and with no choice it is always Annukkutti.

I hated visiting a doctor or going to a hospital. I used to feel so helpless and depressed. I still hate going to hospital.

I held a bitter detest to newspapers and TV news. I never understood how my parents enjoyed NEWS then. In the beginning it was Doorshan Samachar then came Aaj Tak and later Sun News. And Appa was never happy listening to just one. He has to listen to each and every news.

I hated eating upma/puttu/appam (upma the most) on weekends. I was obsessively happy with bread, Amul butter and Kissan jam. I could eat just bread the whole week.

Going to a restaurant wasn’t a normal thing. Appa would complain if we picked a far one. Amma would complain if we picked an expensive one. Not to screw up the offer we settled for any restaurant. I could eat even upma in a restaurant. Now my lazy bones do the job of driving me to eat out and mostly with no company.

I love marie biscuits and milk rusk. My favorite snack ..something I ate everyday in the evening. Now I eat chocolate chip cookies. Exactly how cappuccino is filling for filter coffee.

My favorite toffee was coffeebite. I was always eager to go buy some grocery for my mother when I needed money to buy toffees. I remember once my sister cut her hand with a blade and it was bleeding quite badly. My mother tied a piece of cloth and asked me to buy some band aids. But I bought all toffees.

Another thing was my father’s shaving blades. They were somehow very inviting. And he would always know every time we play around with the blades. Knives and blades are too inviting even today.

Amma used to have bad heel cracks and times it hurt her very much when she walked. She always kept some spare plasters. And she would never find one when she needed them. We would be hardly hurt but only a plaster could appease as long as there is a plaster at home. It was more of a mental relief than a physical relief.

Visiting cousins was always fun and something to look forward. I even used to write letters to my grandmother. Now they all are a phone call distance away and I care enough about visiting them just in my head.

My aunt used to tell me (however I can’t recollect) I would wear lipstick to stay awake when I went for a night show. I was too worried too fall asleep in the middle of the movie to get the lipstick smudged over my face.

Back then Amma used to scold me everyday. I used to fight with Divya. I saw my friends everyday. And now days go by when I don’t speak to anybody.

No idea what triggered the post. Hope something makes sense. Well here a compliment for reading the whole post [;)]