Another beginning

As is his wont with year end, Appa asked me my perception about 2009 yesterday. Here let me sneak my-year-in-review.

Revisiting the last 52 weeks,

• work wise everything was good. Even if a pay hike would have been very much alluring, serves to say everything was more than good.
• moving into an independent apartment was a significant transition (yes I am not enthusiastic about relocation). It was rather a new start with house huunntting, moovving, fiixxing, furrnniishing.
• read a decent number of books and only hope the count keeps mounting instead the opposite way.
• was a year devoted to movies/talks/documentaries particularly the latter half. Cinema saw a lot of me and popcorn. It shall this year too.
• visited Spain and much of north-east Germany. 2010 could definitely see an upswing with traveling.
• was in summer I got my diving license. I feel proud and fascinating. It will be a long wait till summer when I will dive again.
• other interesting thing is learning salsa. I wish to accommodate some more this year.
• met lot of wonderful people and with them the valuable friendships.
• as to emotional face, I had a fair share with being hurt and disappointed (to a good extent), angry and disgusted (surprisingly to a lesser extent).
• wasn’t keeping to a very sound health in my opinion.
• on the personal face, made the best out of my single years. Had been more outgoing and social. Now the dreaded ‘M’ word pops up everywhere.

It is another beginning ..of happiness, of hope, of learning, of love, of friends. Wish you an eventful 2010!

Now that is a question

So many things that I nearly blogged if not for my tardiness. Apart from work and the constant social activities I have had so little time to blog, which is also true to an ample extent.

But truly, I am ever hoping to be regular here ..and failing miserably. You see I am once again in my cribbing mood today. Whatever it is an easy start if nothing else…

Work is very good, if I overlook the endless meetings I have to attend daily. With all my colleagues on vacation, there isn’t much interesting to do anyway. At the least I am sparing my colleagues all the discussions when they return.

Life wise.. everyone grows up with the idea of what one wants to become in his/her life. To me it seems I have only started thinking. Seeing my friends, most of them are already settled and their futures spelled out. And I am still clueless about how am I going to go with life. I am compelled to rethink what I really want?

Honestly, considering just a fraction of the things on my mind… I sound so absurd-minded. Certainly, it would be nice to have a plan that doesn’t have me floundering around clueless. But not having one doesn’t bother me as well. I am reasonably, actually more than reasonably happy with everything and the way it is, whatever it is.

Conceding to discretion, I deliberately avoid writing so many things. I slowly drop out of the scene when it comes to discussing self. Now don’t judge me to be constrained. Well in effect I am. But I wish I could give others a piece of my mind and make them follow too. Every time I start explaining things it all comes out the wrong way. I can’t pronounce them wrong. So much is going on if I want to talk I am going to have to forgo trying to make them understand. I neither have the interest nor the spirit.

To favor I am travelling in no sloppy straight line. I don’t know what would everything be like 1 year from now ..2 yrs from now, no idea again. Though 50 yrs down the lane [living or not] I know I will be a very successful [in every defined sense of life] and content old lady.

I have the slightest idea how much sense I make. Among other things, I definitely don’t enjoy writing so-thick-posts with my clumsy attempts to explain. I thought I should today.

May ..the very limit

Here goes another month past. It was pretty quick but when I think of it ..it was relatively of great duration.

It was seemingly a long month with ..my moving into a new apartment ..the taxing task of buying furniture ..the continuing await for telephone and internet ..the brief calls to everyone that I might be almost forgotten ..the blissful 4 days in Leipzig ..the in-dispel-able holiday mood ..the dreams ..the thoughts ..the scores ..2 books [The Last Lecture from Randy Pausch DEMANDS a read] ..the unwelcomed gaining obsession towards one someone ..same the unwanted regret concerning the same one ..laptop desperately  requiring a format ..amounting unread online content ..the growing need for change ..tiring health ..in the end as good as with an empty wallet!

I dearly wish…

our time together be more than a single conversation!

The inside reflections

Talking to you today… you touched a raw nerve… the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Now I wonder if what I wanted was to talk. I know the thing I need to do is to go on. Yet I hesitate if only in my own mind… tired (sometimes thoughts are exhausting) to understand and believe it.

Thanks to a lazy day and an escaping mind!! You couldn’t otherwise possibly get away with posting anything useless.

Strange doors

Starting with the post, I feel suddenly I have lost everything I had in mind of what to write.

There is much to say and here I am nearly unable to write. So there isn’t anything worthwhile to read today. Again my self esteem hasn’t been to its higher up the past couple of days.

Things are a little sad today. Just so you know, I am opening all strange doors these days… it is a new disposition of mine. I am quite all the time. The urge to talk seems to have disapparated into hiding. Almost always thinking aimlessly (can thinking be aimless?).

I am simply overwhelmed by the numerous thoughts… it is not about thinking anymore but thinking about thinking… thoughts about thoughts. Thinking in a different way to say nicely.

Everything has me questioning about everything. It is like I want to pause and reflect on things I was taught to believe. Either I am too idle or I am loving to escape into the oblivion of absentmindedness. One or the other, my activities haven’t been any productive as well. I actually don’t know what leads what… me being in the so spirit of not doing anything or not being able to do anything driving me to the edges.

Absentmindedness does so striking things. Like today at lunch I dropped my tray. Honestly I don’t know how it happened. The other day a friend offered me some cheese and it tasted like fresh spinach. Again honestly I don’t know what was I thinking.

There is something I don’t know whether to write or not. I usually don’t ponder over proper behavior and similar netiquettes. Well at least I have never given a serious thought to it.

Perhaps I am yet to cultivate many qualities. I had been completely full of myself and as told ..rather stubborn and having no worthy consideration for relationships. In fact it is heart warming saying it aloud here and it even sounds good.

I have to start home now ..with no interest even for a keepsake. Good night you all.

It started snowing again heavily here.

Internet maladies :(

Dear God..

Where am I stuck… between all boring and dull people

Even when ‘out of station’ writing posts, reading blogs and leaving comments. Please baptize them with the divine act to take time off from their dispositions and enjoy a trip!!

- a baffled mortal